Whew. A long, ugly winter; and if it seemed like racing season would never come around, it seemed even less likely that there would ever be a second NEBSRA newsletter. But go figure - stranger things can happen - witness the current BoSox hallucination.
The inescapable fact is that beltsander racing is proving to be the sport that will not die. What started 6 years ago as a cross between sport-based performance art and a dumb idea has blossomed into a bi-annual event which, like a bad TV docudrama, we can't seem to turn off. Those of you who witnessed the '92 Fall Nationals saw a race which for pure sporting excellence rivaled anything seen in Jamaica Plain since the Halcion days of the late 80's. That was when teams like Yuppie Scum and Sander of Doom forged reputations in the sweaty pit of the SanderDome that will live on long after Boston builds its own multi-million dollar MegaSanderPlex.
But enough pointless hype - let's get down to business. It can now be revealed that the NEBSRA Central Committee has recently held a series of meetings. And as if that weren't enough, decisions were reached and plans made.
Let's sum up:
Last fall's race and Woodworker's Ball was, as usual, frighteningly successful. And for the first time, the net result was a positive cash flow of embarrassing proportions. While NEBSRA has plenty of experience coming up short after throwing one of these things, finding ourselves with a wad of cash left us clueless. But having no plan is a tried and true management technique at NEBSRA. We immediately consulted our in-house financial experts, who recommended an integrated investment approach known as the Steel Box Strategy. The advantage of this plan over our earlier Paper Bag Strategy became clear when we recounted the wad recently and found that we still had nearly as much cash as when we counted it last fall. That leaves us with a heavy responsibility - how best to return this windfall to the sport that spawned it. The answer was obvious - this spring we'll offer a cash prize package so outlandish that we expect it will spark the hottest beltsander competition ever seen.
The long and short of, it is this:
May 15, 1993, 4 P.M.:
Five Hundred Bucks
in total cash prizes
Specifically, we're talking one hundred and fifty balloons each for first prize in the modified and stock classes, seventy-five bucks for second and twenty-five for third. In addition we'll be awarding those ever more collectible and thoroughly excellent hand-crafted trophies, topped with the real solid gold beltsanders (accept no substitutes}. Yee-Ha! Why are we pulling this ill-advised stunt? Why tempt otherwise mature adults to test themselves in a pointless exercise? Because We Can!
Those of us who have had the good fortune to follow the sport from. its inception have seen some marvelous competitors: Buttmobile, Hammers from Hell, The United Bikers of Maine, Ralphie-Boy, Team Horizon, Team Dumke, and others too numerous or stupid to mention. The thought of bringing as many of these racers together for one massive SandFest, all competing at the top of their respective games, gives one pause: Who in their right mind would host such a spectacle? The answer is obvious - only NEBSRA would.
One more note for you drivers: as if the lure of cold, hard cash weren't enough to bring the best beltsander racers out from under their respective rocks, credible sources are saying that The 93 Springnationals will also see the unveiling of a new, state of the art, PC-based timing system, boasting electric eyes at the start and finish lines. If it performs as planned, it will revolutionize the sport: No longer will false starts be the domain of capricious, if not actually impaired human judges. The advent of computer-designated defaults should usher in an new era of emphasis on driver excellence. At last the performance of driver and machine will be wed in an unholy marriage of convenience!
What more is there to say? You want weird? You want intense? Be there.
May 15, 4 PM, The SanderDome.
Entry fees: still $15.00. New faces welcome.
Info:
Ralph @ 427-2073, Dave or Jim @ 524-6883, Glen @ 445-2977
There will be a catered meal -figure about $10 a head.